Day 1. Well, just got up. But spent most of the night sick from Salmonella poisoning from a local, over-priced Mexican restaurant known for its two stories. Oh, well. Not going back. And if you go, don’t eat the Salmon.
Looking forward to a morning full doing little and healing a bit. Lost a few pounds during this poisoning stint, but it really, really wasn’t worth being up most of the last two nights. I don’t recommend trying this at home.
I live on a farm outside of Austin. In the wee hours of the morning, I get up, prepare stuff for lunch, animals, the day, get dressed, go into work. Not much traffic except now… now that SXSoWhat has come to town. Now there are more cabs driving poorly, more rentals lost in the darkness that is Highway 71, and more people on cell phones not knowing what the fuck they’re doing or where they’re going. And they’re in my way, now. When I get on the road about 5am, I expect there to be no traffic. Got it? Good. Now go home.
I live on a farm. There are MUCH more fascinating things to observe in Bastrop (yeah… formerly known by the phrase “Black, the new ‘Green’ “when most of the county burned a few years back. But that’s over, now. And Austin is intruding on my calm.)
I am still at work, wasting five minutes writing this. But since I’m sick of Facebook right now, I thought I’d try just writing what I do in the 10 days that IS Spring Break. And since I work at a school, this is a vacation. A VACATION. So vacate!
Seriously. TOMORROW is day one. I’m just blubbering at the moment.
A certain dis-enfranchisement is going on with this nation and with those who knew what a stable economy was, what jobs meant, what good, affordable health care meant. I am affected by these changes as everyone I know is at the moment and I see that the word ‘partisan’ doesn’t really mean much except to the politicians these days. Our freedoms are taken away no matter who’s in office.
And this doesn’t make me happy. What I’m seeing are more acts of civil disobedience, a stronger urge to push back and make our lives relevant, but having no ability to do so because we are being more constrained every day by the cost of necessities from apples to medical emergencies.
One of the first acts of civil disobedience worldwide (we’re not the only ones) became apparent to me with the knowledge that in China, a little girl was run over right outside her parents’ shop and no one cared, no one came to her and no one thought it was worth their attention. I see this as only a beginning. The more we are constrained like rats, the more rat-like behavior we will see. Too many rats in the same place tend to mean that someone’s going to be dinner.
In Texas – in Austin, Texas, there are more and more people running stop signs, killing neighbors’ cats or dogs _just because_ – or yelling and screaming at other drivers… and hurting things just to see what they can get away with. These are not seen as political acts, but acts of internal exasperation due to little or no perceived control over our own lives, our own finances, over being able to feed our families, over our own insignificance in this world and a lack of any way to get ourselves out of this mental stranglehold. And, if you can see all this as an act of rebellion, then yes, all acts like this are political.
This along with the government spying via our personal technology all in the name of a Patriot Act years before (and exacerbated by current politicians) points to a great amount of dis-enfranchisement that makes living in the US sort of like living in a poor province in a foreign country in the 1950s – with the exception that we don’t, yet, have to stand in bread lines and there are those people who are willing and able to OUT those who cause such dis-enfranchisement. But we’re not doing it. At least not yet.
Before this administration there were reports that journalists were given hush orders when Bush was in office. Don’t make the government look bad by publishing scalding truths, they were told – probably not those words – yet subtly suggesting compliance… And I’m not kidding. Now, it’s the IRS and attacking the ‘other side’ which is, to me, still part of the whole corrupt political system that has no ethical bounds and no one that’s accountable.
So what I see is a huge gulf between our original, just-out-of-school dreams and this nightmarish environment of mistrust in, hatred for, and fear of a government whose constituency cannot change. We are being ‘born into mental slavery’ and becoming like other countries whose ways of living and ways of governing people didn’t work, either. Thus the total lack of faith from anyone who has any idea what’s going on in the world. And there are many that fall into this category. Particularly if you read, listen to or view any media at all.
Small businesses suffer because of new rules every year that demand more and more money from them to pay for services to people who ask for assistance. Not necessarily people who NEED assistance, but just ask for it. And those that are asking are oftentimes making more money than the small businessman paying for those services. When is this going to make ANY sense at all?
And because of this, it is harder and harder to bring kindness and generosity into a testy environment or to encourage individuals to speak their minds. Freedom of speech is being curtailed and has been since the Nixon era. Why we continue to put up with this is baffling.
I am not leaning toward Tea party politics or Republican and, believe it or not, not Democrat, either. What I am saying is that there are no good options when the country cannot feed itself, has no skills to be a great model for other countries and relies on rules for order, rules for health care, taxes, technological snooping, etc. But damn, sometimes I just really want to take the constitution as it was before it was beat up these past 20 years and say, “This isn’t what our forefathers wanted from you. Get it right or get out.”
All of this – and yes, there is some damned point, is pointing toward allowing your fellow man to be human, to understand they suffer the same frustrations and dis-enfranchisement you do and to give them encouragement and/or incentive to still be the best they can be to others. If not your fellow man, who do you look to for examples? Make yourself one of those who set the example for kindness, generosity and forgiveness of the same dis-ease with the world that you have.
Kristi Sprinkle
http://www.texturetranscribed.com/blog/how-not-to-hit-the-social-doldrums-at-any-point-in-life
Doldrums are coming back in force – perhaps it’s this age, perhaps my male friends are all feeling it at the same time… but it’s the idea that they’ve been so wrapped up in… work, family business, death business, etc… that hey, they forgot to have kids. Forgot why they’re working for themselves (independence, not working for ‘the man’ as one person said to me lately). I’d say stop and smell the roses, but the work involved in growing roses first is a bit too much for the overstressed, the overworked and tired.
I see people saying, “what the hell is it all for, anyway?” and shedding some of those things that aren’t right here, right now. That aren’t in the moment, alive. I suppose that’s what EBAY is for, but I could be wrong. Perhaps some of those ‘sheddings’ are other people, jobs, bad situations. Let’s hope it’s a positive shedding.
What this doldrum needs is to be sitting on the the edge of a mountain cliff and gaining some sort of fortitude inside to climb higher or find a different mountain. But we’ve all climbed. What is needed is sniffing. Sniffing the armpits of life, getting down and becoming the bug that sits on a flower wondering where the next place to go might be. And not fucking worrying about whether it gets there or not.
AND: Listening to music you listened to just as you got out of high school/college.
AND: Finding old lovers, even when you are stuck in a relationship and just re-friending them again. If you had a strong bond, you have it now, too. It’s just that it’s been so long. They make you feel good (we all selectively and collectively choose to drop the bad memories… at least I do).
AND: Discovering a new passion for walking on wet grass in bare feet and not worrying about the fire ants.
The doldrums come at a time when you are retiring, when you are weary of your work, your personal life – and feel that apathy has always served you well, but now you need more, to get off your ass and move in a fresh direction. Your excuses will be that you don’t do this because you don’t have time or inclination. Since when didn’t you have time to enjoy life?
AND: Assess. Do those things you can’t ‘not do’ like volunteer or visit an elderly person you never had time for before. Help someone bag their groceries. Park on the side of the road on your way home through heavy traffic and just stare into space or make a phone call to your parents or to a sibling or friend.
AND: Friends. Find more of them. Dare yourself to make a new one at least once a month. Use that same intuition you had as a young adult to discover the ones you know are going to be around, real and honest now and into the future. Or go back and reclaim older friends. Why did you stop hanging out, anyway?
Really, doldrums are harder when political restrictions, government interference and hand binding as well as stricter job rules tend to overwhelm us and make us feel completely like there’s just no point in attempting to remove yourself from doldrums. But I think you must.
AND: There is a point. Perhaps making someone else feel that there’s a little kindness out in the world – ‘paying it forward’ is like bringing air conditioning to those who’ve never felt it before. But paying it forward isn’t enough, though. You have to see through eyes that have never seen the world. And although that may take some doing, do it. Find new glasses – and that means gain a new perspective. Call someone you’ve hated to talk to and perhaps listen to them, now. Let them get whatever it was out of their system so they can move on.
Find an old film on dvd that you used to love a lot. Share it. Make a REAL phone call, not just text message to someone who seemed to be ‘up your alley’ but you always thought was a little… ‘off’.
Just remember that taking the time, living right here, right now is probably the most important thing you can do to get out of the world and back into your own naturally- centered mindset.
Oh, look. A beautiful sunset. I’m done here. For the moment.
Kristi Sprinkle
This is the part of life when you begin to think about things like how much stuff you have to do in order to: Sell your house, change your world, retire, travel, etc…
This is a bucket list era.
In those stages of life we’ve forgotten we have, this part of it is never explained to the young because we want them to succeed, to do better than us, to not have to worry about retirement or selling a house or having to change their world because the money isn’t there.
And really, this is totally unrealistic. This should be called the ‘winding down’ stage of life, preparing to NOT have your children have to deal with your own shit, the unpaid bills, selling YOUR house, dumping your stuff, dealing with death certificates and wills and credit card debts or loans.
But really, this is a divergent path than the one I started thinking about as I began writing this.
Let’s talk about a real bucket list. Something that you can do to rid yourself of part of the burden of life so you can move on and do better things, fun things. Things that don’t involve legal assistance.
Travel. I remember when we were kids in a neighborhood full of middle-class folks. We didn’t travel. The furthest I got was to the neighborhood grocery store. Or with my folks traveling 30 miles down the road to visit relatives. We didn’t have money to travel.
Now, everyone travels. The kids we had are traveling with THEIR kids to parts of the world we had no clue about as youngsters. And it’s wonderful. Travel is easy, fun, adventurous and if you can plan even small trips out — out of your state, for example, or your part of the world, then do it. Even just to the water if you live by a mountain or to a mountain if you live in the tropics. Truly. It doesn’t take that much money, anymore and it will open your eyes to potential, possibility and mental progress.
There are a huge amount of young people ‘couch’ hopping through resources on the Web, with transportation opportunities via car sharing or ad hoc rentals from the local townsfolk. The first time someone I knew went out of country it was to a hostel in Israel and I thought that was the greatest thing I’d heard. You could travel and rent in a place that wasn’t a motel or hotel ($$$$) and be a part of a culture you’ve never known before. Then other possibilities opened up via the Web and suddenly, everyone’s traveling whether they have money or not. Very nice.
But even small trips – trips outside the city, outside the world you inhabit daily, THESE are the trips that will expand your mind and hopefully allow you to see possibilities of going further down the road than you’ve ever been.
Go… for… it.
Kristi Sprinkle
Do something about it. Our own perceptions (sometimes the perceptions of our ‘selves’ get in the way of our actions).
You are in a store alone. A man or woman you see who has some sort of attraction for you is in the aisle. You pass them, smell them, sense their presence and find it all very… moving. You want to connect. Do you? Or do you think, “Oh, god, I’m wearing my awful jeans today” or “My hair’s a mess!” or “I didn’t shower this morning” and think that even saying ‘hi’ would give a wrong first impression.
Look – if there’s an attraction, there’s an attraction. If you’ve felt it, then there’s something there _between_ you, whether your hair’s a mess, you smell a little funky or whatever you’re wearing isn’t what you think you’d wear when meeting someone.
Find a way to connect. Shyness, by the way, is a human characteristic that’s based on ‘someone’s going to look at me and judge me for all those things I find wrong with myself,’ so those with this affliction never get out, never do something to move beyond that.
But here’s the truth about shyness. EVERYONE is thinking the same thing — ‘they’re looking at me’ and THAT MEANS NO ONE’S LOOKING AT ANYONE ELSE BESIDES THEMSELVES AND NO ONE’S JUDGING ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES! Seriously. That’s the biggest mistake about shyness – that everyone’s judging you when in actuality, nobody is even worrying about anything but how they look or what they look like in someone else’s eyes.
This is a pretty self-absorbed society and truly, if you want something, you have to go find it.
That person in the grocery store you’re attracted to? He/She must have looked at you, as well, and possibly felt the same way – got a little rush from the connection and may even have blushed and looked away.
Find an icebreaker. “I’ve never been able to eat asparagus – how do you cook it?” or something equally innocuous. If the person is truly not interested, you’ll be able to tell immediately with the kind of reply or sloughing off of your attention and even annoyance. Their loss.
But if you connect, they’ll play words with you, take the time to answer and look you in the eye, most of all. It’s a beginning. And maybe that’s all you need. And maybe that will be a huge relief to the person who has also been attracted to you and is absolutely mortified of saying anything or starting a conversation.
Nothing’s ever as it seems. Those are code words for ‘so what are you waiting for?’
Kristi Sprinkle
Erotic moments aren’t pornographic moments. They simply express desire, are perfectly natural and not something that should ever make you feel shameful. Blushing isn’t a shameful thing, it is only a quick reaction to someone’s words or pictures, expressing inner thoughts through the skin to unexpected words or images. Blushing is one of my favorite ways to tell myself I am alive, human and still worthy of nature and its wonderfully heretical and deviant charms.
Eroticism is an art and needs to be practiced, though.
Try these:
Look for erotic moments when you’ve nothing else to do and you need to clear your mind for other things.They’re out there waiting to be discovered – and so are you.
Kristi Sprinkle
Onlyhuman 